EMOTIONALLY INJURED? YOU CAN SHED THE CHAINS THAT BIND YOU!

Dear friends and readers,

As you know by now, this afternoon I went live on Facebook with a very short version of what you are about to read below. One of the most difficult problems I have run into during my 34 years as a pastor, is trying to help people who have been emotionally injured by others.

Frequently these injuries come by way of undeserved rumors, back stabbing, someone being a busybody in other peoples matters, marital infidelity, or in many cases being thrown--over, abandoned or let down by someone you considered to be a true friend. And sadly in many cases the inability to forgive yourself for some past sin or lifestyle. But forgiveness deserves it's own time of ministry so today we will concentrate on emotional injury.


Lets take it is reverse order; First however, lets be clear as uncomfortable as it may seem. We like to view anyone who uses the name of Christ as a true Christian. And usually that is the case. But we often forget that the Bible tells us there are "WOLVES" among the sheep. Also false prophets and false teachers. We are often surprised when they show up but we should not be. And in this case what that means---because the scripture refers to followers of the Lord  as being His sheep--that there are some among us who are RAVENOUS WOLVES---mean spirited people who would much rather tear down than build up those around them. And frankly I have found that the age old adage to be true; "There are two kinds of friends--FAIR WEATHER AND FOWL WEATHER!

Fair weather friends are those who are with you when the sailing is good and the weather is pleasant but let a storm approach and they will throw you overboard. A foul weather friend is there with you NO MATTER WHAT! Through thick and thin. Unfortunately when we meet new acquaintances, we never really know what kind of relationship will develop. The "trick"of life is being able to stand strong through a bad time with a fair weather friend without becoming calloused toward everyone else that you meet in the future.

Next on the hit list of biggies is marital infidelity. Thats a tough one for everyone and is probably at the head of the list for producing emotional injury. Many the person---both husband or wife who has been cheated upon carries unwelcome baggage and chains with them the rest of their lives. I would like to make a point here so please listen up. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from women--THOSE LOUSY MEN--NONE OF THEM CAN BE TRUSTED! At times like that I am quick to gently point out that on the other side of a cheating husband, is ANOTHER WOMAN! And frankly the incidences if cheating wives is just as painful to the man who was cheated upon as it is for a wife who has been cheated upon.

A fact of life is that so much emotional baggage is carried around after a failed relationship that very many second marriages fail miserably because whomever it was in the first marriage that was cheated upon,  almost invariably casts suspicions upon a new marital partner---without cause. Now we are looking probably at TWO consecutive divorces. Who wants that? But healing has to come before normal human relationships can begin again.

Then we have the rumor mongers and busy bodies who leave behind them a trail of emotional wrecks who are scarred for life because they are afraid that those around them will believe the un-truths that have been spread. A short point--if there are grains of truth in what a mean spirited person has said, it is our responsibility to honestly face whatever it is we have done wrong and repent for it. Try not to do that again and get on with our lives.

Having said that, very many people---perhaps you are one of them, have been sincerely and innocently hurt by someone and are having a terrible time getting past it. I understand because I have been there and so has my wife. Lots of pastors teach their hearts out only to become the brunt of rumors. It's life!

I have discovered some things that help. Bearing in mind that I too am susceptible to hurt feelings just like anyone else. But age and experience do help you learn a thing or two.

First, over the years I have learned to be "TEFLON MAN"! If something is said about me that is untrue, I try and go to that person, politely and privately and talk it out. Sometimes that works and sometimes not. One of two things are going to happen; 1). Even if that person does not repent, they WILL THINK TWICE about shooting off their mouth about me again---because they now know that if they do so again, they can fully expect me to be standing on their doorstep asking for an explanation. And generally speaking, that solves the problem. 2). I FORGIVE and gain a friend.

If I am rejected, I merely allow false statements to slide off me like I was covered in teflon. And I have found that if I have friends who are willing to believe the worst about me, then they were never really my friends to begin with.

AND THEN I  WAGE WAR--Spiritual war!  You see, I have discovered a secret formula! 1). I never strike back. 2). I let the Lord fight my battles for me. He is very good at that. 3). I completely
change my view of the evil sparker. Particularly if that person is a professing Christian. Because, I realize it is not me in this instance who is in trouble. The person in trouble is the evil speaker, the busybody, the rumor monger, the mean spirited evil doer. Particularly if that person is one of those with a long track record of evil speak. Then, I able to place that person in a position of compassion. Silly you say? Not at all. Matthew 7:21-23 is a picture of people who considered themselves to be followers of Christ, but He says to them "I NEVER KNEW YOU, DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS"!

That scares me in their behalf. What better person to wage a prayer campaign in their behalf than someone they have tried to hurt with their mouth. ME! Now my feelings go from hurt to compassion for someone who might be lost for all of eternity.

Proverbs 25:21 "If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat. And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. ROMANS 12:20 " If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"!

If we do it God's way we win. And potentially so does the evil doer who hurt you. In this case, HEAPING FIRE basically means YOU doing good for an enemy, that may bring conviction to the evil speaker. NOT BEING OVER COME BY EVIL is YOU deciding to shed the injury or insult and to continue on with your life, free of the chains of hurt feelings and the sin of un-forgiveness!

How does that play out for me personally? Well, frankly someone who has spoken evilly about me, or my wife, or my friends, is not going to find their feet under my coffee table. I don't trust evil speakers and will not fellowship with them until they repent and stop their evil ways. BUT, If I saw them broken down on the road I would stop and help. I would go and pray for them if they were ill. Feed their family if hungry. In other words, in order for me to AVOID having my feelings hurt, I have learned it is far better to do things God's way.

I don't have to accept bad mouth. I don't have to accept hurt feelings. I do not have to accept insult. ALL OF THOSE are MY decisions to make. And here is the reality friends; That person who has hurt you---no matter how it was done, will continue to do so if you react to it. But when they know they CANNOT GET TO YOU, they ALWAYS move on to pick on someone else. Turn your heart and your mind around. Don't allow yourself to be a victim. Begin praying for the true victim who is the one who is allowing satan to use them to hurt other people.

Can you do that overnight? Probably not. But if you PRACTICE GOOD, it will eventually become FIRST nature to you. Practicing good is to appropriate for yourself THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT--Galatians 5: 22-23 "LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONG-SUFFERING, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, SELF CONTROL. Against such there is no law.

Or you can continue to nurture and guard your hurt, which means that anyone who wants to hurt you, OWNS YOU! Which would you rather be? VELCRO man or woman that allows every single hurt or insult to stick to you? Or Teflon man or woman who can let it slide off like so much primordial ooze so you can go on to be the fullness of all that God intended you to be?

YOU CAN SHED THE CHAINS THAT BIND YOU!!! The Lord will help you--call upon Him and watch and see.

If you want to.

God bless,
Pastor Rance.
P.S. You can write to me at pastorrance44@gmail.com
If you want to.